Phew, living through this recession has been an exciting ride, hasn’t it?
So now that the recession is definitely over (with absolutely no doubts that it will come back again, ever, no way), how should we celebrate?
Here are 5 ways to celebrate the end of the recession:
- Buy a house – house prices have hit rock bottom, and quite frankly, the only way is up now. Don’t worry about what you earn (if you’ve still got a job, that is), get yourself a self-cert mortgage and get on that property ladder – home-ownership is a licence to print money. What could possibly go wrong? Already a home-owner? Move to a bigger house! Make sure you do it before stamp duty is reintroduced, and you’ll save yourself even more money. Money that can then be spent on something like a car or a holiday, or plastic surgery…
- Start spending again – for a few months we thought that we might actually have to cut down on spending a little, do without a few of the normal luxuries, such as foreign holidays, but thankfully now the recession is over, we can give the credit cards a real workout again. Don’t worry whether you really need that 42 inch Plasma screen, just buy it! And with Christmas coming up, you don’t really need an excuse. Go spoil yourself and your kids.
- Spend your emergency fund – is there more stuff you’d like but have maxed out your credit card (see above)? Spend any savings you might have built up, including your emergency fund! You’ve come through the recession with a little money stashed away for a rainy day, but the recession is over, so you won’t need it! Spend it! Don’t bother about saving anything, banks aren’t paying much interest anyway, so spend and help the economy grow even quicker!
- Take a year off work – unemployment is still rising, but everyone keeps telling us that the unemployment rate is slow to catch on with what’s really happening in the economy, so quit your job now to spend time with all of your unemployed friends – you’ll easily find a job next year when the job market has recovered.
- Retire – if you’re not content with just taking a year off work, why not quit work completely and retire? Ok, so your pension pot is probably tiny after the stockmarket falls, and you’ll struggle to get a decent annuity rate right now, but who needs income? Just think of what you could do with all that time on your hands? Time that could be spent spending!
What are you doing to celebrate the end of the recession?
Just in case you haven’t noticed, this is a “joke” post.
photo credit: LCSTRAVELBUGGIN
- Santander Becomes First UK Bank To Launch Voice Banking Technology (March 23, 2016)
- UK Contactless Spending Triples in 12 Months (August 26, 2015)
- Ernest: Latest Chatbot To Bring Artificial Intelligence To Your Bank Account (January 25, 2017)
- Contactless Payments “Cause Brits To Overspend” (September 13, 2016)
- Contactless Spending Hits £1 Billion (February 17, 2016)